The following addendum was originally written to accompany the Starting Over workbook, an 11-session addiction recovery program. It’s intended for those with skin in the game, the loved ones, friends, and family navigating the painful and uncertain road of addiction in someone they care about.
If you live in constant fear of the next phone call or what may be around the corner, my hope is that these reflections, drawn from years of working in small group recovery settings, can offer comfort and direction.
Desire vs. Chemical Hooks
Many believe drugs contain “chemical hooks,” powerful forces that hijack willpower after a single use. While there’s truth in that, it’s only part of the story. The deeper hook of addiction is desire. The addict is constantly confronted with vivid memories of how good it feels.
Without firsthand experience, it’s easy to underestimate how powerfully drugs can relieve pain. In addition to feeling pleasurable, they can feel empowering. Life can feel dull, diminished, and burdensome without them. Put simply, once you’ve experienced something while high, it’s hard to find the same experience satisfying while sober.
In short, it is difficult to communicate the willpower needed to use drugs like heroin only once; they are just that yummy.
An Addict Who Chooses Not to Use
A central theme in the Starting Over program is the phrase: an addict who chooses not to use. This continued state of choosing sobriety is what recovery strives toward. Addiction changes the person struggling with it. The addict will either be using or fighting not to use, because the middle ground of a truce with addiction is gone.
The addict can’t erase the past or the memories, but in a new and purpose-filled future, they can learn to live above them. They can recognize those memories, urges, and desires but refuse to satisfy them. This refusal creates a tension—a dissonance—between what they want and what they choose. Learning to create a meaningful and fulfilling life within that discomfort is how they become an addict who chooses not to use.
It’s a choice made daily, hourly, and even moment by moment to keep the momentum of recovery.
