Most in recovery have some understanding of their disease, of disguised self-interest pulling upon their will in the form of good intentions. Within our thinking is the familiar, the easy, the pleasurable, masquerading as the right thing to do. This understanding, this acknowledgment of the weakness we all share, is the first of the 12 steps in AA. An acknowledgement of the shadow self, the subconscious self-interest which hides within addiction, can become the strength used to cut through denial and push back against what we crave.

Those in recovery sometimes feel that they live in two worlds. The recovery world is filled with the painful self-exploration required to discover what our self-medicating is trying to fix. What is unbalanced that needs balancing? What is broken or missing that needs medication? 

It is a never-ending quest to understand who we are and what we want out of life beyond addiction. It is the way of self-critical thinking that becomes the hallmark of long-term sobriety. Confrontation and desperate vulnerability are how recovery groups become closer than family.

But there is another world where most of us live. Would it surprise you that I have frequently heard sympathy at recovery meetings for those who live “more normal” lives? It is Sympathy for those who sometimes seem asleep, unknown to themselves, unwilling to journey past shallow thinking into painful, deeper self-truth. 

Let us, for just this moment, expand our thinking of what “addiction” means by taking the advice of Socrates, who said “know thyself” some 2500 years ago, by embracing this sympathy of the recovery community for the truths it may yield. 

This advice can help us understand that we all cling to some things in order to avoid other things. Confronting and exploring the more “ordinary,” addictions that our society has deemed “acceptable” can free us from self-destructive habits and behaviors.

We cling to anger, sadness, anxiety, and depression, justifying it, excusing it rather than exploring its origins to relieve the imbalance. From alcohol to pot to porn, we practice addictive, habitual behaviors, ignoring the painful reasons why. 

We numb our pain rather than use its diagnostic gift to unlock deeper truths, which may lead to lasting happiness.

We are addicted to satisfying our appetites while dismissing the price our bodies may be paying.

We are addicted to technologies that distract us from deeper, healthier, difficult human connections and conversations.

We are addicted to certainty, our unyielding attachment to a point of view or way of seeing the world, politics, religion, or our privilege.

We are addicted to consumerism, the power to have whatever we want from Amazon.

We are addicted to surface conversations and controllable relationships that do not confront our ways of thinking or being.

We are addicted to our distractions from the unpleasant and the painful, ignoring or avoid those around us in pain, afraid its contagion may force us to confront our pain.

We celebrate an addictive busyness and run from the quiet moment, the contemplative conversation, from wrestling with why we are so sad, so angry, so judgmental. 

We patronize industries that promote escapism and multiply our fascination with celebrity.

We are addicted to our scapegoats. We offer up judgments and verdicts upon others built upon secondhand uncertainties. We condemn some harshly for their actions while others are held to the softer standards of “their intentions.”

We are addicted to a dualistic, “us or them,” “good or bad” ways of thinking, ignoring the empathy and connection born within the middle ground. We place value only upon our preferred self-image. 

In his book Breathing Under Water, Richard Rohr states: “We are all attached and addicted in some way. At the very least, we are addicted to our compulsive dualistic patterns of thinking, to our preferred self-image, and to the unworkable programs for happiness we first developed in childhood. In short, each of us is addicted to our way of thinking”.

Please forgive my directness, it is born of a thousand meetings where, more often than not, radical honesty and directness are served up with the coffee. It can be unsettling to think of yourself as an “addict,” especially if you have never used opioids, but you are in good company. Thousands within the recovery community can “sympathize” with the discomfort and mental gymnastics that are required in overcoming addiction. 

The tools to overcome self-destructive, self-sabotaging behaviors and ways of thinking are found in a desperate vulnerability, a willingness to travel into the painful and the broken to heal and bring balance. 

Let’s not be offended to know we are the object of” sympathy” from those who have climbed up the 12 steps to enjoy a better view. Let’s use this roadmap to confront the more “acceptable” addictions of our society, and enjoy the freedoms born of self-awareness.