For those of you who don’t know my story, let me summarize for you: I was raised in the White Evangelical Church. I attended all my life. I was a star Sunday School student as a child, held various leadership positions as an adult, taught Bible studies, and even preached a few times. Yet, although I did all the things I was raised to believe were right, I was pushed out of the Church in 2020 for standing up for immigrants and for refusing to fall in line behind a president of the United States and his harmful policies towards the least of these. This sent me into a tailspin of questioning beliefs I had never thought to question before.
By 2022, I wanted to write a book about my journey of deconstructing religion because something unexpected had happened. In the shards of my religion – I found Jesus inside. At that time, however, the pain was still very raw. There were still a lot of unknowns. And the concept of a book wouldn’t quite come together for me.
It had been recommended to me various times, even before, that I should write a blog, so I decided to start there. I started my blog in early 2023. At the time, I called it “The Jaded Evangelical” because that is very much how I felt. I poured my heart and soul into the blogs, revealing more about myself and my story than I, as a private person, usually share with anyone. Over time, blog-writing turned out to be incredibly healing. I was able to process my thoughts and my feelings in a way much more productive than randomly ranting on social media. It helped me in ways that would be hard to describe.
Last year, right around the time I started seminary, I realized I had healed enough to no longer consider myself a “Jaded Evangelical.” I changed the name of the blog to “Letters to the Jaded Evangelical” and continued writing. I have written along several themes – like the poisoning of mixing culture and politics with the Church. Or the command for Christians to be involved in social justice issues. Or the re-humanization of immigrants. Or seeing women as equals in the work of the Gospel.
I have been encouraged by those who read and share my posts. I have been encouraged by a growing audience base. I have been especially encouraged by every comment that said, “Thank you for saying what I’ve been feeling.” In finding a community of like-minded people, I also found… peace.
I am reminded of Isaiah 61. A passage Jesus quoted at the start of His ministry. The prophet Isaiah writes,
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
I see how my grief and pain have been transformed into joy and praise. I pray I may be an oak of righteousness, displaying His splendor, not my own. I wouldn’t say my journey is over. Far from it. But I can see how far I have come, how far He has brought me, and wonder at it. I never would have thought this journey would have led me here.
A couple of months ago, I finally had a vision of what a book could be. I worked on it all summer, and it is finally ready for the world to see. “Letters to the Jaded Evangelical: Finding Jesus in the Shards of Religion” is a collection of posts, or letters, updated and organized by theme. It is a testament to my journey. A testament I hope will help others along with theirs.
It breaks my heart when I hear of people who have not only left the Church but left their faith.
The Church is incredibly flawed. We have much to repent for, and we are in great need of a new reformation.
But Jesus is worth finding, worth digging through the shards of religion to get to.
Jesus is everything.
May this be an encouragement to you. God can turn ashes into something of beauty, if you keep seeking Him. He is faithful. He is true. He is on your side.
He will never fail.
