When I first dedicated my life to Jesus I was 12 years old and did not totally understand what I was doing. At the same time though, it was very real to me and I knew that something in me had changed. I knew that I was a follower of Jesus. I wasn’t a follower of Jesus because I went to church or because I grew up in a Christian family. I was a follower of Jesus because I had a relationship with Jesus. I remain that today. 

Even before I came to faith in Jesus, one of the things I deeply resisted was the thought of becoming like other Christians. You know, all rules, no fun. Yuck. No thanks. And of course, I hated the obvious hypocrisy. Ugh. I remember going to church as a kid in Plano, Texas and hearing the Methodist preacher talk about how Jesus loved everyone, no matter how much money you made, no matter what you looked like, etc. But yet, if that was true why did I have to wear church clothes (that were super uncomfortable!)? If that was true, why did everyone who went to church there drive a nice car? Or why was our entire church white? 

Or when I was in high school, I worked at a hamburger joint called Braum’s. THE worst nights to work were Sunday and Wednesday nights because of the church crowd. It wasn’t just that we got slammed those nights. I liked it when we were busy. It was common knowledge among the staff that they were the worst nights to work because the people who came in were complete ASSES. It angered me how rude they were, but it also embarrassed me. I didn’t want anyone I worked with to know that I was one of “those people.” But yet, when I got to college and really began to get serious about my relationship with Jesus I adopted my own kind of hypocrisy. 

Slowly – excruciatingly slowly – as I grew and matured my supercharged faith in Jesus in college became more mixed with empathy and compassion. It took a while. I didn’t lose my passion, but I hope I became a little more human. More humble even. One thing that grounded me was living and working in under-resourced communities in Cleveland, Chicago, and Waco, Texas. Caring for people in distress was more important than making sure someone held rigidly to your particular dogma. Focusing on what people believe – that they believe the “right things” seemed more entrenched in privilege than authentic mission. I just didn’t care about that stuff anymore. 

All of this came to a head in the years following 9/11. I saw the United States invade Afghanistan out of sheer vengeance and then illegally and immorally invade Iraq. All the while, evangelical Christians cheered from the sidelines while greedily enjoying their tax cuts. I was very much against our invasion in Afghanistan and even more against the invasion of Iraq, which did end up as many of us thought it would: a complete and utter human rights disaster. And this has never been repented of by this country or by the evangelicals who cheered it on. What made it even more intense for me was that during all of this I was a student at a conservative seminary and the invasion was overwhelmingly supported by everyone around me. 

The support was so intense that bumper stickers got ripped off my car, signs in my yard were taken, and friends quit speaking to me. So, one year after the invasion began I publicly renounced my ties to evangelicalism. I had been an evangelical Christian since college. It was my identity until my late 30s. But I could no longer claim that title. It was not me. If I was to sincerely continue to follow Jesus I could no longer share the name, “evangelical.” 

Since that day I have seen both evangelical and liberal Christian hypocrisy increase more than ever. Evangelicals have overwhelmingly supported the worst president in history and one of the worst human beings in history by over 80% for 3 straight elections. I do not even recognize what they call faith any longer. 

Of course, having worked at the national level of a mainline denominational church (the United Methodist Church), I have also seen firsthand hypocrisy among leaders who claim to be committed to justice, but whose greatest commitment is maintaining their positions of power in declining institutions. 

While I have been sensing this for several years now, I finally decided after witnessing a third straight election be decided for someone who is so completely antithetical to the teachings of Jesus by people who claim to be Christian, that I no longer can claim the name, “Christian” for myself. Yes, I love the t-shirts that say, “I am not THAT kind of Christian.” But I am tired of having to preface a description of myself that must first come with explanations for why I do not identify with the immediate images of hatred, judgment, and exclusion that come to mind when you say the word “Christian.” 

I am no longer a Christian. 

The church as I have known it has become so unmoored and ripped away from any biblical understanding of what was intended, we desperately need new terms to describe ourselves. There are some who say they want to fight for the name “Christian” just like some who say they want to fight for the name evangelical. I frankly have no desire to fight for a categorization. I just want to follow Jesus and strive to be faithful in loving Jesus and loving others. I certainly am open to other possible names or categories other folks are using, but for me, I am no longer a Christian. I am what I was when Jesus first saved me and I am what I have striven to be every step of my life since then. 

I am a follower of Jesus.